


Earthbound After the Beginnings

by xXGieguesHenchmanXx



Category: Mother 1 | EarthBound Zero | EarthBound Beginnings, Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound, Mother 3
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-07-08 01:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 13,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXGieguesHenchmanXx/pseuds/xXGieguesHenchmanXx
Summary: At the top of Mt Itoi the journey is almost at its end. Ninten and Ana and Loid are ready to save the earth from the evil Giegue. And wouldnt you know it. Turns out theres more threats looming in the shadows. Question is can they be stopped too.





	1. Giegues Defeat

The destruction on the mountain was so bad. Ninten and Ana and Loid and their bodies were flying everywhere as they tried to sing the song. But Giegue didnt want to listen. The alien was thrashing around just trying to plug his ears. But Ninten and his friends dont give up so easily. Since the song is a magic song enchanted by Queen Mary to inflict pain. And wouldnt you know it the pain was soon so bad that Giegue almost died from it and is forced to retreat. Gasping as he slumped to the ground the heros walk up. Right now they look pretty normie. Ninten was wearing his striped shirt and hankie (this means hankerchief in normie english). And Ana wears her pink dress. Loid with a red T shirt. They were covered in band aids and its really bad. They bleed from their mouths and arms. Their faces rugged from battle. Adults will laugh and call them kids but mentally in the head they are adults now. Giegue gasped and begins bleeding for mercy.

"No please!" Giegue begged. Ninten showed his mercy by clocking Giegue in the back of the head with his Hanks bat. And wouldnt you know it its a critical hit. Giegues face plants closer against the dirt and the purple alien blood started to flow. Loid looked at it and licked his lips. In this universe my headcanon (this means theory in normie english) is that Loid liked to drink the grape Kool aid. Just as Giegue bleeds out Ana uses Supr Healing. Nice. Now Ninten can do it again. And wouldnt you know it he does. Giegue screamed for mercy as the three kids laughed. How pathetic is it that the one threatening world denomination was on the ground crying. No longer wanting to play they prepare to finish Giegue for good.

"Im so sad." Giegue cries.

"Is it cause your mother betrays you." Ninten smirked earning chuckles from Ana and Loid.

"No I stopped caring about her and the song a long time ago." Giegue revealed. "But instead because all this was a ploy. I never wanted to invade Earth and kill the humans. I was forced to by something even more sinster."

Loid puts his piece (gun in normie) and pushed it against Giegues head.

"Why dont you tell the fucking truth." Loid is seriously sick of being pushed around especially since he came from Twinkle elementary where all the other kids call him bad names. And wouldnt you know it its pushed him over the edge a little bit. Even Ninten and Ana scoot back as Loids hand with the piece (gun) shakes really hard. "Answer me god damn it!"

"Better listen to him." Ana got ready a plume of PK Fire Omega. "What happens next for you wont be pretty."

The tears kept flowing from his eyes. But eventually Giegue was able to talk. "Look at my hands. Are you seeing it." Looking closer Ninten and Ana and Loid gasp. Suddenly they have noticed the glowing strings. And wouldnt you know it following the strings to the peak of the mountain they see another figure. But wait who is that. They are hunky and look like a buffet dweller. How many times did this person go to Golden Coral this week. Two.

"What the fuck is that." Ninten says his breath short.

"That is The Coach who is the Most Terrible Villain In The Land." Giegue lifts a shaking tentacle as the Coach comes down the mountain. The Coach did not look happy as her hand is cut short in a crappy way. Too much scalp was showing. She looks like the Trunch Bull from Matilda. Only fatter. Her eyes glowed even more evilly then Giegue.

"Giegue I send you to take over this planet so I can use the technology stolen from your species without worrying about opposition. A task you have now failed. Goodbye Giegue you have proven your worthlessness."

The Coach took out her whistle and blew. And wouldnt you know it the song was so bad even worse then the Eight Melodys. Meaning Giegue was in the most pain now. It is so bad that Giegue began shrieking. His brain bubbling like a doggo in a microwave (dog in normie english) until it burst with a final yelp. Giegues purple stained gray matter all over the place. Loid wasnt even appatized because good Kool aid shouldnt be chunky.

The Coach brings herself up and stared at Ninten and his friends. 

"Ready for yours."


	2. Giegues Henchman

"You know what Giegue said about your great grandfather stealing technology from his race Ninten." The Coach walked forward and glowing light surrounds her body. Whoa what could this possibly be. Some sort of magic suit or something. And wouldnt you know it in an instant a mechanical suit is around her. Its like Iron Man (Tony Stark for normies) or something. The Coach blasted Ninten aside with a laser mounted on her shoulder. Damn thats gotta sting. "The technology stolen is not PSI. But instead this powerful mech suit. With it the world is mine."

"Your sick!" Ana tried to prepare PK Beam. No dice. The beam doesnt want to appear. Maybe it has stage fright or something like that. I got stage fright when I had to read scripture in front of Sunday church. And wouldnt you know it the Coach blasted Ana down next. Meaning only Loid is standing. He gulped to himself. Knowing this was not good.

"Oh fucking hell!" Loid thought of the street rats (that is punks in normie English) that lurked back at Twinkle Elementary. How they would always make fun of him and steal his Kool aid during lunch. The grape flavor. This infuriated Loid so he whipped out his piece (gun) and fired away at the Coach. No dice. The bullets all bounce off and wouldnt you know it. The Coach zipped up to Loid and clocked him in the back of the skull. Hes out for the count now. All the heros are defeated.

"Interesting it seemed you were unable to stop me." The Coach spits on the corpse of Giegue who is not dead. Interesting the alien lutenant was worthless compared to her. Looking towards the sky she howls with laughter. Ninten and Ana and Loid are twitching in delight. "Now nothing will stop me. Certainly not the Eight Melodys. And not the Hallowed Hives either! The Hallowed Hives will not stop me for I am the Coach! Destroyer of those who dont bend to my will!"

The Coach shrieked happily until a laser pelted her head. Gasping the Coach turned around. From the mothership of Giegue came a bridge glowing with panels of light. Striding across the bridge was someone new. And that someone. Was me. The lights glowing on the edge of the bridge like spotlights on Hollywood catwalks. My cyborg parts are sleek and fresh. Lifting up my cyborg arm I blasted the Coach to the ground. And wouldnt you know it half her face was burned off. Ha she looks like Harvy Dent (Two Faced from Batman in normie speak).

"Eek!" The Coach panics as I come closer. Kneeling down I smile.

"Like my new cyborg parts." I said. The Coach does not like my cyborg parts. The Coach uses her escape button to eject herself away.

Getting up from the ground. Ninten and Ana and Loid got up grateful to be alive. Looking upon me they are very confused. I looked at the body of Giegue and was very sad. They understand why Im sad. Together we cry a little.

"I was friends with Giegue he was just misunderstood. Also he lashed out in his anger." I said. "I am Giegues Henchman but you can call me Calvin for short. Any way it seems the Coach is going to reign hell over this world. You cant beat her without my help. First we have to go protect the Hollowed Hives. Their magic bee hives that can give her power."

"We must stop them but wheres the first hive." Ninten begged to me.

"I am thinking its in Podunk your home." I checked my scanner advice and wouldnt you know it. I saw I was 100% correct.

"We have to go there now!" Loid said. "Lets teleport!"

"PP is out" Ninten goes. Not noticing Ana has a different idea. Scraping together the gibs and blood of Giegue. Her hands glow with golden energy and flash. Theres a flash of light. The pieces reassembled. Its like necromancy (reviving the dead normies.) Soon Giegue is as good as new. Thanks Ana for having plenty of PP. The boys had none.

Giegue growled not looking too happy. Uh oh.


	3. Boarding the Mothership

Giegue was so mad. We all looked at him. We could tell he was not happy. We could tell because he was growling. Rising his tentacles he started to charge an inexplicable attack (not understable in normie English). Ninten and Ana and Loid all starting to cower in fear. But I stepped in and blocked. Using a physic shield.

"Enough Master Giegue. Thats plenty. Were not fighting any more." I held my hands out to show it was time for peace. Giegue snarling did not want to have peace. But he eventually caved. Lowering his tentacles Giegue looked at us. Knowing that the Coach was out there somewhere. Who knew what her dastardly (evil) plot would be. World domination. 

"Yes Calvin." Giegue said to us. 

"Master Giegue. We need to borrow the space ship. The time has come. The time spoken of in the prophecys. Remember all the time we spent looking into the Apple of Enlightenment. Knowing that the time of destiny was coming." I gulped. I knew this was serious business. And wouldnt you know it. Giegue also knew this was serious business. Ninten and Ana and Loid did not know. But that was okay. They were just regular street rats (kids in normie English). They are not in the know (in the loop).

"Ah yes. The Hollowed Hives." A single tear ran down Giegues cheeks. You can tell he is sad. Because he was crying. "Calvin I trust you and only you to enact this mission. All my life I have been abused. The Coach abused my power to make me try to destroy the Earth. The time will come where it happens again. The Coach is eternal. She is the Most Terrible Villian in All the Land."

Giegue handed the keys to me. Nice. Now I can drive the mothership. It will be difficult to back it out of Mt Itoi. But I think I can do it. Ninten and Ana and Loid admired my new hot ride (vehicle in normie language). It sat in the middle of the mountain. It was a tall mothership. It was from space. It was silver with lots of lights. Very impressive. Ninten gasped wishing he could have his own. Ana looked at me and giggled. Heh. Well wouldnt you know it. Sadly I already love someone else. And Loid smacked his lips. I think he was admiring the mothership. But he might of also thought of Kool aid. Its pretty lit (yummy).

Suddenly as we boarded the mothership. Pixels began appearing behind Giegue. Giegue was waving. He did not notice. It was the Coach. Prepped in her hand was a softball bat. We all screamed for Giegue to look out. But it was too lat. And wouldnt you know it. With one swoop the Coach swung the bat. Giegues head exploding into ooze. We shreiked and ran for the Coach. She was wearing the evil tech suit. Cackling she teleports away again. Looking at the corpse of Giegue we began to cry. He was gone for good this time.

"Ana try SuprHealing." Ninten said.

"I cant because it wont work." Ana was so sad. 

"That hoes gotta pay (that woman will receive karma in normie)" Loid specifyed as he polished the tip of his gun. Its ready to fire. And not just blanks either. "Cmon Calvin and others. Lets get in the ship. We have to go to Podunk. And get the first Hallowed Hive."

Bowing down over my masters dead corpse. I could not help but shed a tear. Now all of my original allys are gone. Gone for good. Remembering how my journey all started I frowned. The tears were flowing a bit. Because I was crying. To think things were much simpler. It was once just me and Giegue and my partner Hayden. Well. Haydens been dead a long time. He defiantly wont come back. I missed him a lot.

"Ok lets go." I said to them.

We boarded the mothership. It was a mothership from space. It was so cool.


	4. Above the Gymnasium

The scene cut back to Twinkle Elementary. All the students are sitting around in the gym. They are wondering what happened to Loid. That kid was a total weakling stinkling. Well thats what they think. It is because they are straight nasty (bullies in normie English.) It was good Loid was not here to hear this. If he was. He would probably cry. And then he would drink Kool Aid to cheer himself back up. But thats not relevant. The students played dodgeball. Sometimes the balls go high up. They go so high that they almost go to the ceiling. Others go so high they go to the ceiling. They got close to the mysterious beehive on the ceiling. The beehive was golden. The beehive was shining.

Suddenly the students realized something was wrong. This was not their normal coach. And wouldnt you know it. Its not their coach. But The Coach instead. The Most Terrible Villian in the Entire Land. With a puff of her whistle all are frozen. It was like they were shook (totally mortified in normie). And wouldnt you know it. Coming in was another henchman of the coach. Wearing a pink metal suit and a black viser. It looked like Starman Jr from the game. Probably because it was.

"TELL US WHERE THE HALLOWED HIVE IS." Starman Jr got straight to throwing threats. He wants to know where the Hollowed Hive is. But the students wont spill the tea (secrets). This made Starman Jr not very happy. He looked around and saw all the students. He could not stand them. They would not give them what he wanted. This made him very angry. Because of this he charged PK Beam. Now the students are gone for sure.

"They asked for it my minion." The Coach chuckled in her tech suit. The students were scared. I was scared when my window was broken the other day. I think someone stole my Nintendo Switch. But this is worse then robbery. Its almost like murder. And wouldnt you know it. Its murder time. Starman Jr blasted everyone with PK Beams. Girls first. Soon their all falling to the ground like bodies. Because they are. And then everyone was dead.

"THEY DIDNT TELL US." Starman Jr squealed with unhappiness. The truth is that Starman Jr is unhappy. This is because he has not been happy in a long time. The reason he is not happy is because his backstory was sad. But the Coach doesnt give a flying fuck (a damn for you normies). Coming up the Coach strokes Starman Jrs face. That made Starman Jr a slight bit more happier. But not all that much.

"We have to find the Hollowed Hive." So the Coach and Starman Jr kept going. Did they even try looking. The Hive is clearly hanging from the ceiling. How many minutes did they even spend looking anyway. Two.

Going around the gym they go to the locker room. They thought the Hallowed Hive might be here. It turned out they were wrong. In the locker room the Hive was not there. This made the Coach unhappy. This also made Starman Jr unhappy. The reason they were unhappy was because the Hive was not there. They needed the Hives to stop the true Gs (the heros). Them being Ninten and Ana and Loid and me. Calvin. Also known as Giegues Henchman.

"Guess well keep looking." The Coach smirked looking around the locker room. Its the boys locker room. "Brings back memorys huh. Reminds me of how my journey first began. Calvin I will destroy you eventually."

Starman Jr only stood in silence. He knew he would kill more in the future. Not because the Coach tells him too. Even though shes the Most Evil Villain of All the World. But because he has a craving for violence. It is his nature now.

Soon they are both laughing. They are laughing because they found it funny. I dont know why.


	5. Honey Joe Delight

The coffee shop sat in the middle of Podunk. The coffee shop was called Podunk Coffee Shop. Because it was in Podunk. The coffee shop served steaming hot joes (coffees for you normies). The coffee shop also had cold brew. But thats not relevent. The coffee shop used to be going out of business. Now business is booming. The line went all the way out the door. It was really long. Everyone was talking about the Honey Joe Delight. Inside of the coffee shop they made the coffee. The two lunch ladys used honey to take the joes to flavortown (makes the coffees very tasty in normie English). And wouldnt you know it. The honey was dripping from a golden beehive. A Hallowed Hive.

"These millenials (kids) sure love our coffee." The first lunch lady said that. Her name was Dorothy. I remembered her from school. One time she spat in my spaghetti. Probably because I am bisexual. She is ignorant. She turned towards the Hollowed Hive and squeezed it. It began to spurt the holy honey. Since she was squeezing it so hard. It was a travesty (misuse of the Hive in normie speak). The sacred relic has been abused. And their making fat stacks (money) off it. Its kinda wrong.

"They cant get enough of it." The second lunch lady said that. Her name was Aud. She also liked to scowl at me when I went through the line. I could tell she was mad at me. Probably because Dorothy says bad things about me. They are ignorant. Another bunch of street rats (yuppies in normie) went through the line and got their coffee. The Honey Joe Delight. They laughed as they slurped it up. They thought the Hollowed Hive would make them good. But since the Hive was abused. It had bad effects. You can tell the people were becoming evil. Their eyes are red. Dorothy and Aud laughed. They were villians. But neither of them were the Most Terrible Villian in All the Land. That would be the Coach. The Coach is their boss.

"This batch is bad." The first lunch lady said. Again her name is Dorothy. Aud listened to Dorothy. Aud took the bad batch outside and spilled it all over. Suddenly all the critters come a raring (animals ran for the drink). They lapped the Honey Joe Delight all up. And wouldnt you know it. Suddenly they began to mutate. Their eyes became like insects. They buzzed and became viscous. The abuse of the Hallowed Hive was so bad. It was turning the animals bad. Giegue was dead. He originally made the animals mad. Now the Honey Joe Delight does it instead. I drank coffee once. It made me very hyper. I dont drink coffee any more. Someone smashed the window in. They stole my moms Kuregg.

From outside the noises came. They were like spaceship noises. Suddenly Dorothy and Aud shut their fucking traps (quieted down). The kids started screaming. They spilled their Honey Joe Delights. They corrupted the grass of Podunk. The whole town is corrupt from this coffee shop. But we had to stop it. The mothership landed. It was silver with lights. It was from space. The bridge came out from the mothership. Unloading was me and Ninten and Ana and Loid. Marching up to the front doors. We scowled at the horrible lunch ladys. I recognized them. I growled louder then the others. Because I knew them. And wouldnt you know it. They growled back.

"Well well well. If it isnt Calvin." The lunch ladys are horrible. I remembered back at school. They screamed at Tallie and Laura and Anna and Nicole for spilling milk. Talk about crying. Over spilled milk. Their just girls. But the lunch ladys also screamed at me. Probably because Im bisexual. They are ignorant.

"You know this guys?" Ninten said to me. I nodded in sadness.

"So we meet again." I curled my fist. "Luciferian Lunch Ladys."

I wondered how the Honey Joe Delight tastes. Probably like sin (bad things in normie).


	6. Vs. Lunch Ladys

Ninten went first. He tried setting up a physic shield on Ana. Ana went next. She tried PK Fire. It was pretty useful. The Lunch Ladys both took a good deal of damage. Loid snarled lifting up his piece (gun in normie). Shooting it the bullet flew forward. Damn. It was an epic fail (complete miss in normie). And wouldnt you know it. The Lunch Ladys werent too happy about it. They raised up soup ladles and tried to hit. They were blocked by my cyborg gauntlets. I had to protect my friends. Sometimes I cant protect my friends. Sometimes they turn on me. That makes me sad. That makes me cry in my room for a long time. Because I am so sad.

"Why are you doing this." I said to the Lunch Ladys. I was beginning to choke up.

"Don't you get it Calvin." That was the first one. Her name was Dorothy. "We all know the story about what happened. The Coach told us all about it. You tried to seduce that poor young man. The one named Hayden. You tried showing him your privates in the locker room. You made a big show. You are disgusting and sinful."

"Indeed." That was the second one. Her name was Aud. "Now look what youve done. You corrupted that young man Hayden. He is scarred for life. It is because of your disgraceful life style. It is because your gay. You are filth. You deserve the spit in your cafeteria lunch. You deserve your treatment. And you dont deserve Hayden. That is facts."

Damn. Of course I remembered. What my life was like at school. Things used to be poppin (pretty good in normie). And wouldnt you know it. One day it changed for the worst. I was just changing in the locker room. And wouldnt you know it. Hayden was staring at my privates. I didnt scream. We had kissed before. I thought we were more then friends. But then the other kids call us gay. So Hayden freaked out. Now they still call him gay. But they mostly call me gay. Only Ms Parsons and Mr Hines understand. The others not so much. The Coach banned me from gym. The Lunch Ladys fuck (tamper with) my food. And many others. Their all ignorant. Im not even gay. Im bi. 

"I dont care." I lied to the lunch ladys. "Your ignorant."

"Shut up queer." Ah. I remember when they told me that the first time. I went and cried in the restroom. Because I was sad. I didnt bring a hall pass. I didnt ask for it. Because I was running.

Suddenly Ninten beans Dorothy across the face with a Hanks bat. Thwap. Shes out for the count. I must admit it. Violence is not always the answer. But sometimes when they call me the F word. I can feel the mean thoughts. I try to supress them. I dont want to wind up like Hayden. Some of the other kids are crazy and write storys too. Theres a lot of them. Abdul and Chloe and Caleb and Blake and Elizabeth. Some are better then others. But not Hayden. I think he has problems.

"I wont stand for this!" Suddenly Aud pours the Honey Joe Delight into a machine. It was a strange machine. It is like my moms dehumidifier. Before it got stolen. The window was smashed all the time. Now the Honey Joe Delight is gas. The gasses go out the cafeteria window. And wouldnt you know it. Now all the animals in the land are straight trippin (evil). Because the Hallowed Hive was abused.

"Lets finish this!" Ana tried PK Beam Gamma. Aud was instantly defeated. Loid was satisified. He went up to the fridge to buy some Kool aid. The lunch ladys dont let me buy it at lunch. They say its because Im gay. They are ignorant.


	7. Omenous Fortune

It was so dark. The darkness was on top of Mt Itoi. The dead Giegue was on the floor. He was dead for good. The mothership was gone. This made the cave even darker. Suddenly evil people came from nowhere. It was the Coach. She was the Most Terrible Villian in All the Land. Following her was her gooney (her henchman in normie). It was Starman Jr. And wouldnt you know it. In his tendrels is the first Hallowed Hive. They strutted up to Giegue. His guts are oozing all over. Its pretty grody (nasty). 

"Giegue is dead for good." The Coach whipped out a Cup of Lifenoodles. "Or is he!?" The Coach fed the noodles to Giegues body. Suddenly Giegue was as good as new. Getting up from the floor. He looked out of whack (confused). He saw Starman Jr standing by. He realized he could fight back. Then he saw the Coach nearby. He realized he couldnt fight back. Giegue is helpless to the Coach. Giegue was a pretty wicked (evil in normie) villian. But there was only Most Terrible Villian in the Whole Land. That would be the Coach. Starman Jr is also a villian. Hes not the most terrible one. But still pretty bad. Maybe he used to be good.

"Im alive." Giegue said to the air. The Coach did not reply. Starman Jr also did not reply. They do not think Giegue is a friend. He is only a tool to them. And wouldnt you know it. Suddenly the Coach prepped a baseball launcher. Starman Jr did not prep an attack. This is because he is weaker then Giegue. Because Giegue is busted (really strong). But not as strong as the Coach.

"You have what we want." The Coach said. "Its shiny and golden. Hand it over."

"I do not have the Hollowed Hives." Giegue confessed. He was telling the truth. Because he didnt have the Hives. I got the hives once. Not the mystical ones. But the allergy ones. Im allergic to peanuts. The lunch ladys didnt tell me it was in the food. I think they did it by purpose. They are ignorant.

"WERE NOT TALKING ABOUT THE HIVES." Starman Jr was filled with fire. Not the literal fire. But the angry type. Starman Jr pointed a tentacle at Giegues chest. The slender alien gulped. "HAND OVER THE APPLE OF ENLIGHTENMENT. WE WILL USE ITS FORTUNE TELLING POWER FOR OUR SELVES. IT IS OMNIPOTENT (knows everything in normie) AND CAN SEE ALL OF PAST AND FUTURE. ITS WISDOM IS ETERNAL. HAND IT OVER NOW. OR ELSE THE COACH WILL BEAN YOU."

"Or else what." Giegue tried.

"I will kill you for good." The Coach prepped the baseball launcher again. One baseball would be all it takes. Giegue gulped. He was afraid of dying. Giegue did not want to be dead forever. That would suck hard (be really bad). Giegue pulled out the Apple of Enlightenment from his physic storage. It was a golden apple. It looked like a Hollowed Hive. Its not a Hive though. More of the Hives show up later. This was just an apple. But it told the future. Its pretty wilin (epic in normie).

"THE APPLE OF ENLIGHTENMENT. JUST AS WE WERE PROMISED." Starman Jr doesnt kill Giegue. Of course he couldnt do this anyway. Its because Starman Jr was weaker then Giegue. But the Coach was stronger. She pumped iron tons (lifted weights in normie English). She looked like the Trunch Bull from Matilda. Only fatter. Together they gazed into the Apple. And wouldnt you know it. Suddenly they saw the future. 

THE EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED  
BUT A BOY  
WILL STOP THE CARNAGE  
BY UNDOING THE BAD  
SURRENDERS HIS LOVE  
AND THEN DIES OF...

The last part of the fortune is hidden. Because I dont want to spoil the plot. The plot gets spoiled for the Coach and Starman Jr and Giegue. But thats ok. Their just in the story.

The Apple stopped talking. Its not a Hallowed Hive.


	8. Starman Jrs Visor

We parked the mothership. We parked it outside of Twinkle Elementary. This was where Loid went to school. The street rats (bullys in normie) used to bully Loid here. They called him weakling stinkling and that sort of thing. The memorys were so bad. And wouldnt you know it. Loid was beginning to cry. He remembered how they stole his Kool aid. The grape flavor. Understanding what its like to get bullied. I pat Loid on the back. Now Loid was less sad. But he was still kinda sad. Because he was crying.

"Its ok Loid." Loid knew itd be ok. But was still kinda sad. Ninten and Ana are also his fams (friends in normie English). Because of this we went inside. However. The school was empty. Not even the janitor was in there. The janitor from the game complained about his wife. I remembered because I laughed. Earthbound beginnings and Earthbound are my favorite games. I havent played Mother 3. Please put it on Nintendo Switch. But I still couldnt play it. Someone broke in and stole my Switch. I said that before. 

Next we went to the gym. Now we all gasped. The bodys are all over the grounds. Someone came here and killed everyone. We could tell they killed the girls first. We could tell because the girl bodys are older. It was so wrong. This was really fucked up (morally wrong in normie). Who would do this. Probably some monster.

"Who would do this." I said to the others. Ninten and Ana and Loid do not know. They dont know because they didnt see the murders. That is ok. But it would be good if we found out. Loid looked at the ceiling. The Hallowed Hive used to be on the ceiling. Now it is gone. This means someone took it. And wouldnt you know it. They soon revealed themself. PK Beam blasted in my direction. My wig was snatched (I was taken by surprise in normie). I looked over. Its Starman Jr. 

"STOP RIGHT THERE." Starman Jr blasted PK Beam Gamma. It hit Ninten on the chest. I thought he was total toast (done for). And wouldnt you know it. Hes wearing a Franklin Badge. Suddenly the beam was reflected. Starman Jr got hit. Ana came up next with her frying pan. Klang. Starman Jr was shook (shaken up in normie). 

"Wheres the Hive you monster." I screamed.

"THAT FEMOID JUST HIT ME." Starman Jr was screaming incel (virgin with rage) stuff. Starman Jr targeted Ana as vicious as he could. Loid prepped his piece (gun) and prepped a shot. Taking a sip of Kool aid. He found it sitting near by. The grape flavor. He fired the gun. Now the visor of Starman Jr was broken. Starman Jr looked at me. His eyes were revealed. They were blood shot. I could tell they were very mad. I was also mad. Because Starman Jr hurt many people.

Starman Jr took off his mask. Everyone gasped. Ninten and Ana and Loid gasped. But they did not know who it was. I gasped the most. This was because I knew who it was. His hair was blonde. His eyes were familiar. I remember from looking in them. I used to look in them a lot. I could tell Starman Jr used to be good. But now he was bad. I wished he was not bad.

"Hayden." A tear ran down my face. "You are bad now."

"Shut up Calvin." Hayden launched PK Beam at me. I crumpled to the ground. My cyborg parts are rustled (broken in normie.) And wouldnt you know it. Maybe its not just my parts that are broken. But my heart too. "Calvin you betrayed me. Everyone thought we were gay. Because I looked at your privates in the locker room."

"Im sorry. I was just changing." I said.

"Im changing now too." Hayden readied more PK Beam. "By moving on from you."

Its fight time. I dont want to fight Hayden. It was so sad.


	9. Hopelessness

It really does make me sad. Because it makes me cry. Hayden and I were best friends. Maybe even more then that. I would play Earthbound. He would play Mario and Metroid. We would swap games. It was fun. The games were fucking epic (really fun in normie.) I could tell Hayden loved his games. He had passion. I also had passion. But not only for the games. But for him. He flirted with me first. And at the sleepover we played Spin the bottle. We kissed. There were only three of us playing. And wouldnt you know it. It felt so right. I knew Hayden was the one (my destiny in normie). And then the bullying happened. We tried to keep it secret. But everyone knew when Hayden looked at me. He looked at me in the locker room. It was swim day. He saw too much. Then he threw me under the bus. Because he didnt want them to know hes gay.

Hayden launched PK Beam. I didnt fight back. I couldnt fight Hayden. It was so sad. I crumpled to the ground. Ninten and Ana and Loid screamed. But they couldnt do anything. Starman Jr is too powerful now. AKA Hayden.

Nothing was good after that. Hayden became corrupt (evil in normie English). He doesnt even talk to me now. Everything was over in one instant. Why did things have to happen this way. I didnt ask to be like this. This is just how I am. But people treat me so bad. The school faculty think I ruined Hayden. They think I turned him weird. They think Im why he harassed Ms Parsons. Thats not even true. She agrees. They dont listen.

Hayden launched more PK Beam. I didnt fight back. I couldnt fight Hayden. I was beginning to pass out. Ninten and Ana and Loid screamed. They couldnt do anything. Soon they fell to the ground too. And wouldnt you know it. Were all defeated now. Hayden stood over us. He was growling. He was growling because he was angry. Because he hates me. I dont know why. I dont hate him. I just wish he would go back to normal.

"Well well well." Walking into the gym was something bad. It was the Coach. The Most Horrible Villian in The Entire Land. Next to her was Giegue. I gasped. I thought Giegue was dead. Giegue was my master. Because Im Giegues Henchman. The Coach was clapping her hands. Probably because shes evil. Giegue did not clap. He was so sad. He was sad to see me like this. And wouldnt you know it. The Coach started flapping her gums (talking) again. "Im impressed. You got the Hallowed Hive from the Lunch Ladys. Too bad. Hand it over."

"Hand it over Calvin. Your a loser." Hayden said to me. Does he actually believe it. I wanted to cry. Because I am so sad.

"I cant hand it over." I looked to Giegue. "You remember the prophecy."

Giegue also wanted to cry. He was also sad. Because he knew the prophecy.

"Yes." Giegue suddenly rushed forward. Giegue slapped Hayden to the ground. The Coach screamed. She was not expecting betrayal. The Coach was suddenly super pissed (furious in normie language). She pulled out a frisby. I remember the frisby. The kids played ultimate frisby in gym. Except for me. I was banned from gym. Because of the locker room. I sat on the bleachers instead. I had to write an essay. I had to write about a time I felt bad. I wrote about my Ness and Lucas amiibos. They made me happy. Until they were stolen. The stealer came through the window again. It made me so sad.

"Giegue no!" I screamed.

Too late. The Coach threw the frisby. Giegue wanted to stop Hayden. And wouldnt you know it. The frisby sliced his head off.

Giegue fell to the ground. He was dead. He was dead for good.

I cried.


	10. Deadly Battle

"Did you honestly think Giegue would save you." The Coach was evil. She was the Most Evil Villian in All the Land. She stood over Giegues corpse. He was dead for good. I think he was dead. Hayden put his mask back on. Now hes Starman Jr again. He prepped PK Beam. The Coach prepped her stretch weights. This looked gnarly (dangerous in normie). "Now prepare to die."

"No Giegue!" Ana used SuprHealing. Now Giegue was back to life. Snarling the alien used an inexplicable attack (can not be understood in normie English). The Coach was spooked hard by it. But then she got over it. Lashing forward with her stretch weight. It pierced Giegues stomach. His heart got ripped out. By the stretch weight. Blood splattered everywhere. Giegue gave a dying breath. He landed on a nearby backpack. Horn of Life tumbled out.

"Look out!" Loid fired with his piece (gat (normie for gun) normie for piece). The bullet flew into the Coaches chest. But she summoned the tech suit. This was the stolen technology. Loid dove down to the backpack. He reached for the Horn of Life. He reached past the Horn of Life. He grabbed spilled Kool aid instead. The grape flavor. He poured it into Giegues throat. Suddenly Giegue was good as new. Wow. So thats why Loid liked Kool aid so much. Its magic (literally magic. Not an expression).

"Hand over the hive!" The Coach was getting pissed. Suddenly I bum rushed her with cyborg burst. Ninten also smacked her with Hanks bat. The Coach snarled. Giegue began sneaking up on her. She turned around. The Coach had her attendence sheet. The Coach is the Most Evil Villian in the Whole Wide World. She stabbed Giegue with the pen. It pierced through him. Giegue choked up his organs. Giegue exploded into a cloud of blood. There were no atoms left. Hes done for.

"My turn!" Ninten reached for the backpack. He reached for the Kool aid. He reached for the Horn of Life instead. He blew the Horn of Life. Now Giegue was reformed. Giegue was pissed. Giegue flailed his arms around. Grabbing Starman Jr he chucked him down. Starman Jr screamed about femoids. Weird. Giegues not even female. Unless its that blue Giegue. Some artists make him blue and girl. I saw it. She (he in normie english) was kissing Porky (Pokey). I was really confused. They can kiss even if Giegues a boy. They are ignorant.

"Thats how you do it!" I clapped and cheered. Giegue bolted towards the Coach. And wouldnt you know it. He tripped on a banana peel. Giegue smashed his head into a pencil. It went into his skull. We screamed for Giegue. We did not want Giegue to die. But now Giegue was dead. The Coach laughed. Starman Jr laughed. However. Using Secret Herb. Giegue was now back to life. The Coach didnt see this coming. Starman Jr didnt see this coming. Its because they are bad guys. Ninten and Ana and Loid and me didnt see it coming either. But something did see it coming. It was the Apple. Suddenly the Apple was talking.

FIGHTING NOW IS USELESS  
THE OUTCOME CAN ONLY BE SEEN  
ONCE THE HALLOWED HIVES ARE COLLECTED  
THE NEXT ONE IS AT  
THE MONKEY CAVES AT YUCCA DESERT.

We cant fight anymore. The Apple said no. The Apple is not a Hollowed Hive. The next Hive was at the monkey caves. Theyre in Yucca Desert (Advent Desert in normie). No thanks to Phil Sandhop. He localized the game. He changed all the location names. Thats weird. And wouldnt you know it. Now Im confused again.

"Its a race to Yucca Desert!" The Coach cackled. She teleported with her suit. She also teleported Starman Jr. She also shot Giegue in the head before she left. Giegue was dead. Giegue got over it though. 

"Damn." Loid drank Kool aid.


	11. Monkey Madness

Heres a quick recap. Theres four Hallowed Hives. One was at Podunk. It was with the Lunch Ladys. One was at Merrysville. It was at Twinkle Elementary School. Me and Ninten and Ana and Loid have one Hollowed Hive. The Coach and Starman Jr (Hayden) have the other. Ours is the Podunk one. Theirs is the Merrysville one. The bad guys also have the Apple of Enlightenment. The Apple is not a Hollowed Hive. Remember that.

The mothership parked in the Yucca Desert. I was the one driving. I parked the mothership. It was from space. Its really cool. The door opened up. Out came me and Ninten and Ana and Loid. Its very hot. And wouldnt you know it. We started sweating. But Loid gave everyone Kool aid. We drank up. That stuffs good. Oh yeah. Giegue was also with us. Hes alive right now.

"Im glad your alive Giegue." I said to Giegue. Giegue was my master. After all. Im Giegues Henchman. But Im not his minion (mindless slave in normie english). This is because we respect each other. Ninten and Ana and Loid were scared of Giegue. He used to be a bad guy. But only because the Coach forced him to be bad. She is the Most Evil Villian in the Entire World.

"Of course." Giegue looked towards the Monkey Caves. They lived in a ruins. The ruins are swarming with monkeys. Suddenly we realized something. The mists of the Honey Joe Delight went to the caves. Now the monkeys had bulging bee eyes. They had stingers. The bees were evil. Screaming they ran towards us. Oh God. How many are there anyway. Ten.

The Monkey King booked it (got closer in normie). And wouldnt you know it. Hes the most fucked up (disfigured in normie English) of them all. Giant wings come out of his back. He flew around with them. Because he had wings. Damn. This is what happens when you abuse the Hallowed Hives. The Apple is not a Hive.

"Oh shit!" Giegue whipped forward. Giegue used an inexplicable (not understandable) attack. A monkey slurped into a single atom. He was compressed. He was a neuron star now. The gravity was big. I dont mean the Earths gravity. I mean seriousness. (Gravity can mean seriousness in normie speak.) Next Giegue mind fucked (no normie translation) a monkey. The monkey screamed. Its head exploded. Nice. Well. It was bad that the monkeys were corrupted. But we cant do anything about it.

"Lets go!" We charged deeper into the Monkey Caves. I used Cyborg Blast. I burned the monkeys. Ninten used Hanks bat. Ana used PSI Darkness. Loid drank Kool aid. That wasnt the only thing he did. That wouldnt help. Loid also used his piece (gun in normie). The monkeys were dropping like flys. I remember gym yesterday. The Coach gave me a fly swatter. She told me to swat flys. Im still banned from gym. Even though the incident happened last year. They are ignorant.

A monkey got close. A monkey slapped Giegue. Suddenly Giegue was pissed. This was because he was angry. Because a monkey slapped him. Giegue used telekinetic control (mind fucking) of the entire ruins. The entire place was shook (shaken). Now the monkeys were jumbled. And wouldnt you know it. Every brick of the ruins exploded. The monkeys flew everywhere. I guarded Ninten and Ana and Loid. Giegue didnt need guarding. Because he caused the mind fucking. And the telekinetic control too. A giant brick smacked Giegue across the head. It killed him. He didnt care though. Hes sick of it.

"Master Giegue you didnt die." I said.

"Thats because I broke the rules. Ive transcended life and death. I am above it." Giegue smiled. Giegues eyes were bloodshot. Was he going insane or something. Weird. Hayden went insane. I remembered all about it. He screamed at Mary Hannah for being gay. Shes gay with Juanita. He got grounded for a month. He is ignorant.


	12. Teddy Breaks Out

Lets cut away from the action. But only for a second. Now were at the hospital. The hospital was in Ellay (Valentine in the Japan release). You can thank Phil Sandhop for that. In the hospital Teddy slept. He slept in a bed. He was mortally damaged (nearly killed in normie). He was done in (nearly killed in normie) by R7038xx. I remember that part of the game. I screamed and cried. It was so sad. Because Teddy got killed by the robot. The robots name was R7038xx. But he didnt actually die. But he doesnt want to see that robot ever again.

"I dont want to see that robot ever again." Groaning Teddy was in bed. The nurse walked through the door. Teddy groaned at her. And wouldnt you know it. The nurse had lunch for him. The lunch was big. There was spinach and eggs and orange juice. Teddy didnt want to eat. The nurse shoved the fork in Teddys mouth. He spat it out. Teddy was badass (tough in normie English). Teddy only ate cigarettes and beer. The nurse scowled.

"Teddy you are sick. You will not get better unless you eat." The nurse said.

"Bullshit." Teddy screamed. "I am really tough. I dont need shit food." Teddy had a foul mouth. Because he was cussing. The nurse wanted to cuss back. But she did not cuss. I cuss sometimes. Its only sometimes though. Dont tell my parents.

"Teddy your skeleton broke in 5000 different places." Damn. Thats a ton of places. Thats like a 1000 different places. But five times more then that. Its multiplication. Look it up. "Sorry to say it. But R7038xx totally wrecked you (nearly killed you in normie). You need to heal up. No options." 

"Fuck. I hate that robot. I hope I never see it again." Suddenly Teddys phone buzzed. It played the music from the Live House. Groaning Teddy rolled over. He got a text from Ninten. Ninten was asking for his help. Teddy knew he had to help. Suddenly Teddy got out of bed. He felt his left leg crack. "Shit." Teddy said. Looked like hes fractured. But he has to help. Teddy pushed the nurse down. She exploded through the wall. "Damn." Teddy said. Teddy cussed again. Teddy wanted to help. He doesnt know his own strength. And wouldnt you know it. Now hospital security are coming. Two guards came in. Teddy unsheathed his katana. Teddy slashed. One guards down. The other guard kidney punched Teddy. Crack. Now his ribcage was shattered. "Fuuuuuuuuuuck." Teddy beaned the guard (hit him). Hes out cold.

Teddy now ran down the hall. More guards came. Some shot with guns. The bullets hit Teddy. They broke his bones. The damage was so bad. Teddy held back his screams. He had to escape the hospital. He had to help Ninten. He also had to help me (Giegues Henchman). Teddys really hurt now. It reminded him of R7038xx. He hated that robot. He never wants to see it again.

The final line of defense was there. Twenty guards guarded the door. Teddy screamed. He blew right through them. But they punched and kicked him. They went totally sicko mode (ham in normie language). Teddys bones are almost totally broken. But he kept going. He fought back super hard. Thats because Teddys tough. He was the strongest person in the game. When I played he was tough. He killed all the Last Starmen. That how ballin (strong) he was.

Finally Teddy was outside. Somehow hes still able to walk. Hes doing better then he did against R7038xx. He never wants to see that thing again.

"Fuck!" Teddy cussed again. He walked down the street. Next door is the research center. Theyre investigating alien tech. Suddenly screams come from inside. Sounded like someone dropped something. Next the deactivated (turned off in normie) R7038xx fell out and crushed Teddy. Now all his bones are broken. 

The hospital people came and wheeled him back in. Thats why Teddys not in this story. Sorry.


	13. Father and Son

Lets cut to the chase. We totally rekt (destroyed) the Monkey Ruins. We found the Hive instead there so easy. It was so easy. Because we had Giegue on our side. Im his henchman. After all. Im Giegues Henchman. But Im worried about him being siked out (having poor mental health in normie). His eyes were bloodshot. Is he going nuts. I dont know what Ill do if he loses his mind. Probably cry. But some things cant be avoided. Maybe Hayden betraying me was fate (had to happen). That makes me sad. It makes my cry sometimes. Because I am so sad.

"Wahaha!" I looked over. Ninten and Ana and Loid also looked over. Loid was the most happy. Because the approaching man was his dad. Loid ran over to his dad. The two laughed so much. I was shocked to see Loids dad. This is where Loid gets his smarts (intelligence in normie). Loids dad had white hair and glasses. Loids dad ate a donut. Loids dad wore a white coat. Loid gave his dad some Kool aid. Loids dad also drank Kool aid. But only when his son gave it to him.

"Your back dad." Loid smiled. Loid and his dad hugged.

"Yes. I was visiting your half brother in Winters. Hes still a baby." Loids dad laughed. Loids dad drank more Kool aid.

"Which one." Wow. Loid has so many half brothers. I wondered about Loids dad sometimes. He seems like he is a pimp (has lots of girlfriends in normie English). However. Its not good to go around and have lots of kids. It is expensive. Its also not responsible. Remember dont be like Loids dad. Always wrap it up (use birth control in normie language). Otherwise you might have kids on accident. This wont be good because you cant be a good dad to them all. My dad had a lot of girlfriends like Loids dad. My dad doesnt live in the house. I only visit him on weekends. Hes got a new girl at his house every two months. Its weird. At least he doesnt get robbed like my mom.

"Loids dad were looking for the last Hive." I said to Loids dad. "Do you know how we can find it. We dont know where it is. Can you please help us find it."

Loids dad smiled warmly. "Of course. You and Ninten and Ana and Loid are so smart. Smarter then my most smartest girlfriend. Let me help you out. I have a mechanism (machine in normie) that can help. Its called the Phase Distorter."

"You havent invented that yet." I said to Loids dad.

"True. But my future self warped back and gave it to me early." Loids dad chuckled. And wouldnt you know it. He ate another donut.

"That initiates a bootstrap paradox." Ninten spat out. What the fuck does that even mean. I would give a normie translation. But I really dont know what hes on. I really hope hes feeling ok. If hes not. He should go to the Podunk Hospital.

"Ninten you can be so silly." Ana looked at him with love. Ninten blushed. Maybe thats why he cant talk. He is lovesick. That makes me feel sad. I remembered when I was in love. Now that love was shattered (broken in normie). But with nothing else to do. We followed Loids dad to the Phase Distorter.

"Im here too." Giegue reminded us hes here too.

"Now this machine will warp you to the last Hallowed Hive." Loids dad patted the machine. It looked like a Mr Saturn. Thats pretty cool. Mr Saturns were cool in the game. I liked the peanut cheese bar. I ate one in real life. I didnt like it that much in real life. Peanuts and cheese dont mix. Unless its cheesecake.

"Thanks Loids dad." Now me and Ninten and Ana and Loid boarded the machine. Giegue did not board the machine. There was not enough room for Giegue. He stayed with Loids dad. Now we warped away.

Loids dad ate donuts. Giegue pretended he didnt want any.


	14. Doomed Future

We travelled through time. It was really scary. Because spooky stuff was happening around us. There were tons of colors. Its like were having an acid trip (crazy dream in normie speak). And wouldnt you know it. Suddenly there was screaming. Time travel was not safe for biological organisms (life-forms in normie). If we didnt stop time travelling soon. Wed be nothing more then skeletons. Screaming our flesh hurt. Finally the time travel stopped. The machine spat us out. Everything looked like its gone to shit (doomsday). What the actual fuck. What was going on here.

"What happened." I said. Ninten talked to the Phase Distorter. Who are you talking to. Ninten checked the Phase Distorter instead. It said were in 200X. Ten years after Earthbound. Red stuff was in the skys. All the houses are destroyed. Bodys laid in the streets. A giant statue of the Coach stood above all. I wanted to scream. What is this doomed future. This was so bad. Because everything was destroyed. And wouldnt you know it. We all screamed. It was so loud.

We walked around. Loids dad didnt know how to operate the machine yet. Because he hadnt invented it yet. Time travel is so confusing. But thats not relevant. Ana walked to the statue of the Coach. Ana talked to the statue. Who are you talking to. Ana checked the statue instead. Theres a plack. "The Coach killed Giegue so much. The Coach kept bringing him back to life. Eventually Giegue got sick of it. But it drove him insane. Now Giegues lost his mind. He sent all to the horror of eternal darkness. Now the Coach rules supreme. The Coach is the Most Evil Villian in the Entire Universe. Now nothing can stop her."

Tears went down my cheeks. This future has to be stopped. But the machine sent us here for a reason. This is our best shot at getting the last Hive. The Coach thinks shes won in this future. That means her guards down (shes not defended in normie). This was our last shot at stopping the Coach for good. That makes me feel heroic.

"But wait." Loid drank Kool aid. It tasted really good. The reason I make Loid drink Kool aid is because of this. They say smart people dont drink the Kool aid. I dont know what thats a reference to. But it made me think. Why cant smart people drink Kool aid. Its probably another bigoted stereo type (mean belief in normie English). I think it is ignorance. So I made a smart person drink Kool aid. Loid is smart. He is the smartest person in Earthbound beginnings. After alls. Hes the son of Loids dad. "Where even is the last Hive anyway."

"Good question." We walked forward some more. There was a big sign. Loid talked to the sign. Who are you talking to.

"Youre talking to me. Im a talking sign." And wouldnt you know it. The sign can talk! That was so crazy. "I can tell you where the last Hive is. But you have to act quick. I think there are bad guys in this area." Wow. That was so cool. Its a talking sign. Why are talk and check different menu options. Its very inconvenient (not handy). Just let me press a button. Why didnt they think of that.

"Ok talking sign." I beg the sign to tell us. "Hurry before..."

Boom. Suddenly a hockey stick swung. And wouldnt you know it. The talking sign exploded into splinters. That was fucked up (horrible). The Coach glared at me. The Coach looked older and fatter. Much fatter then the Trunch Bull from Matilda. She growled. Because shes evil. Me and Ninten and Ana and Loid also growled. But were not evil.

"The fourth Hive will never be yours." The Coach said.

In her hands is the fourth Hive. 

Its true form was the Apple of Enlightenment.


	15. Battle Against The Coach

We needed the fourth Hive. The fourth Hive was the Apple all along. But the Coach has the Apple. The Coach was not happy. Because we wanted the Hive. The Coach pulled out duel pingpong paddles. Quickly she flung them. One slashed Ninten across the face. With a squeal Ninten fell. Now Ninten was crying. He was so sad. Because his face got cut.

"Your journey ends here." The Coach cackled evilly. This is because she is evil. And wouldnt you know it. The Coach began charging her ultra move (signature ability in normie). Her ultra move is SportsBlast. In her ultra move sports equipment goes everywhere. And wouldnt you know it. Here it comes. From her body they came coming. Tennis rackets and baseball bats and baseballs and footballs and soccer balls and weights and gym equipment and and more sports stuff. The Coach was the Most Evil Villian in All the Land. Ana tried to resist SportsBlast. Its no use. Ana got beaned with a dodgeball. She fell down crying. I got hit by a dodgeball once. It was across the face. I hit the floor and passed out. Thats before I got banned from gym. Thats how I was able to play.

"Oh shit!" Loid drank Kool aid. It didnt do much to help. But it sure was epic (tasty in normie). Now the Coach prepped to knock out Loid too. Next she pulled out a la croix (Canandian tennis) stick. With the la croix stick she swung. Bang. Loid got hit across the face. Loid took 65 HP damage. But it doesnt kill him yet. The Coach swang again. And wouldnt you know it. Loids out for the count. No more Kool aid for him.

The Coach turned to me. I growled. Because I was so mad. The Coach has made my life so horrible. She is ignorant. She discriminates against me. And helped turn the school against me. This wasnt ever Ninten or Ana or Loids battle. This was our battle. And its my responsibility (job) to finish this. Once and for all.

"LETS END THIS COACH!"

"BRING IT!" The Coach was getting fired up. I was also getting fired up. Because we both spoke in all caps. The Coach prepped a boxing glove. I prepped a cyborg fist. Our knuckles met with a sonic shock wave. Boom. The force was amazing. Next she used a barrage of wiffle balls. From my chest were cyborg cannon balls. They struck together. This fight was the Most Final Battle in All of Time. Me versus the most horrible villain. Everything ended here.

"Give me the Hive." I said.

"No." The Coach used one last attack. Her last attack is Wii Sports. The lazy kids played Wii Sports on free day. I didnt get to play Wii Sports. I am banned from gym. Finally she whipped out her Wiimote. Whapping me across the head I cringed. But using electro magnetic interference. I threw off the Wiimote. Now the Coach was helpless. With one final cyborg strike the Coach was down. Tromping over her I gasped for air. The Coach was defeated.

"Give up." I said. "I defeated you. Your ignorance ends here. Give me the last Hive."

The Coach snarled. She had an ace up her sleeve. Not literally though. But she does have a deck of playing cards. She and the other teachers play blackjack on break. I watched through the teachers lounge door once. Its cracked.

"I have an ace up my sleeve." The Coach snarled. And wouldnt you know it. Her reinforcements arrived.

From the sky he landed. Hes really strong. He wears a brown vest. He wears glasses. His face was wrinkled. I gasped in horror. No I wasnt expecting this. This was absolutely horrible. I dont know if I can beat him. The one who always backed up the Coach. The one whos always defending her every choice. This is so totally wrong (morally incorrect in normie).

The Superintendent the true Most Horrible Villian in All the Land was here. The husband of the Coach.


	16. Superintendent

I charged up to the Superintendent. I knew the final battle was near. The Superintendent only cackled. I knew he was pure evil. Preparing my fist I got ready to pwn (own in normie) him. And wouldnt you know it. The Superintendent was doing the same thing. Our fists flew at each other. Our fists hit each other. And there was a big blast of light. Who knew what the outcome was. How many metric tons (tons in normie english) of force was there behind that punch. Two.

Meanwhile back in 198X. Giegue and Loids dad sat around. They were waiting on my return. They were waiting for me to get the last Hive. They didnt know I was in big trouble. Giegue looked at Loids dads donut box. And wouldnt you know it. His stomach began to yeet (growl loudly). Giegue tried to hide it. Loids dad snickered and ate a donut. Now Giegues tummy was yeeting so hard. He couldnt take it any more. His urges were inexplicable.

"Loids dad give me a donut." Giegue said. But damn. Giegue was too late. The last donut went into Loids dads belly. Now Giegues tummy yeeted up a storm. Loids dad raised an eyebrow. Loids dad was so surprised. Because Giegues stomach was yeeting really loud. (They say yeet at school when they throw my books. They probably meant to growl.)

"Oh sorry." Loids dad had a bright idea. He revealed another Phase Distorter.

"How do you have two." Giegue gasped astonishingly.

"My future self gave me many of them." Loids dad got in the Phase Distorter. Loids dad went back in time.

\---

Loids dad snickered and ate a donut. Now Giegues tummy was yeeting so hard. He couldnt take it any more. His urges were inexplicable.

"Loids dad give me a donut." Giegue said. But damn. Giegue was too late. The last donut went into Loids dads belly. Or so it seemed. Suddenly from nowhere a time machine appeared. Out of the door was Loids dad! Now there are two Loids dad. Future Loids dad smacked past Loids dad. The donut fell from past Loids dad hands. Future Loids dad grabbed it.

"Thanks." Future Loids dad went back to the Phase Distorter. He disappeared.

\---

The Phase Distorter appeared again. Loids dad came out. And wouldnt you know it. In his hands was a donut. That shit was on fleek (this was really cool in normie language). Giegue gasped. He was so surprised.

"Thanks." Giegue said. Giegue took the donut. "Where did you get the donut from." Giegue said.

"Give it a sec." Loids dad laughed. Loids dad clapped his knee.

"Wait." Suddenly Giegues eyes widened. "Oh yeah. I remember now."

"No problem." Loids dad tummy suddenly only had one donut. And a slap mark appeared on his face. 

"You beat yourself up. Only to give me a donut." Giegue was floored (astonished). Giegue probably would of gasped. If his mouth wasnt full of donut right now. "I am sorry. I hurt you."

"Dont worry Ill get you back for it." Loids dad chuckled to himself.

"What."

"I help kill you in the future." Loids dad revealed. "Oops. Was that out loud."

"What the fuck." Giegue screamed. Giegue was so mad. Before Giegue could get Loids dad though. He jumped into the Phase DIstorter. And wouldnt you know it. He went back in time again.

\---

"You beat yourself up. Only to give me a donut." Giegue was floored (astonished). Giegue probably would of gasped. If his mouth wasnt full of donut right now. "I am sorry. I hurt you."

"Dont worry Ill get you back for it." Loids dad chuckled to himself.

"What."

"I help..." Before Loids dad can finish. Future Loids dad appeared. He was in a Phase Distorter. He punched past Loids dad in the face. This prevented him from revealing the truth. Thats wilin (crazy in normie language).

Unfortunately this causes a paradox. Now Loids dad had no reason to warp back. I dont know how to resolve this. Find out in a later chapter. Maybe.


	17. The Warning

The Superintendent was on the ground. Because he was out cold (knocked out in normie English). And wouldnt you know it. Standing over him was me. In my hands was the fourth Hallowed Hive. The fourth Hive is the Apple. The Apple repeated the prophecy again. I remembered the prophecy. I began to cry. Because I was so sad.

THE EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED  
BUT A BOY  
WILL STOP THE CARNAGE  
BY UNDOING THE BAD  
SURRENDERS HIS LOVE  
AND THEN DIES OF...

The last part of the fortune is hidden to the reader. Suddenly from the sky came a beam. The beam was made of light. It was lightning fast (really fast in normie). And wouldnt you know it. Out walked Starmen Jr. Also known as Hayden. He was ready to end me once and for all. But I cant let him do that.

"The Hives." Starman Jr beckoned me forward. "Hand me the Hives."

"No. I have to save the timeline." I said.

"The timeline is doomed." Starman Jr cackled with delight. "I came from the timeline where Ness lost. I have to make sure Ness always loses. This is my purpose to the Superintendent and the Coach."

"Your sick." Suddenly the Hives did something new. They glowed with epic (radiant) light. I felt like I was going blind. Because the light was so strong. And wouldnt you know it. My body began to transform. I shrank really small. The power of the Hives made me not a person. It made me a bee. Well. Maybe not a bee really. A bee I am not.

"Come here Calvin!" Hayden screamed. But it was no use. My strafes were on fleek (really good in normie) when he attacked. And wouldnt you know it. I ducked right into the Phase Distorter. I had to save the timeline. So I warped to 199X. Ten years before the universe was destroyed. And wouldnt you know it. I warped above the planet.

"Oh no." The falling was so hot. It was like the Phase Distorter was crispified (burned in normie). And then I fell. The Phase Distorter outsides melted. Now the time machine did not look like a time machine. It looked like a space rock. Because it was burning so hard. I was screaming too. But not too loud. Im a bee. I cant scream loud. Or am I a bee. Well. A bee I am not.

Boom. The space rock fell on top of a hill. The hill was in Onett. Soon the police sirens started. There was tons of people. Everyone was freaking out hard. Some hours passed. Eventually everyone went away. Now the snakes and dogs and crows came out. It was really spoopy (spooky in normie). But finally some kids were coming. One had a red hat. One was fat. Another one was sleeping by the tree. Because he was tired. You could tell he was sleeping. Because he wasnt awake.

They talked some. I knew this was the time. The Apple mentioned it before. Giegue and I planned for this.

Emerging from the space rock I spoke.

"A bee I am not." I talked to Ness about the future. I warned him about what happened. Everyone seemed really shook (shaken in normie speak). The magic of the Hives summoned a Sound Stone. I knew I would give it to Ness. But only when the time was right. Now the warning was done. We went down the hill. But something unexpected happened. 

And wouldnt you know it. Beaming from the sky was Starman Jr. From behind the visor I saw his eyes. It was still the Hayden I knew. So this would be our final showdown. It would not be epic (cool). It would be sad. It would probably make me cry.

"Youre not a hero." Starman Jr taunted. "Your just a useless insect."

Ness got his bat up. I got ready to fight too.

"Ill stomp you hard!" Hayden attacked.


	18. The Morning Sun

Heres a quick reminder. Hayden is Starman Jr. This isnt canon to the actual games. This is just a symbol in my story. Because it represents him in a way. Please remember this. Now Starman Jr launched PK Fire at us. The blast was bigly (huge in normie). But the fire was blocked. Because I set up some shields. Now I lunged at Hayden. The fight was so sad. Because I was crying. Ness also swung his bat. Together we damaged Hayden. Now Hayden used PK Fire again. How many times was he going to use PK Fire anyway. Two.

"Im so sorry friend." With a final blow it was over. Starman Jr was destroyed. Hayden fell to the ground defeated. It was at this moment that I knew it. Our friendship was over. Our love was over. Like the prophecy had said. I had surrendered my love. Now I am in complete solitude (in total loneliness in normie). Crying we kept going. I told Ness his journey would get harder. I knew it would. Mine did after all.

Stepping into the nearby house we went inside. Now I could see the whole family. What a shock that was. Suddenly seeing them all I realized something. I was in a real pickle now. Staring me down was all four of them. Two sons. A father. A mother. I recognized all of them. Only now did I realize this. Heres a quick reminder. This isnt canon to the actual games. But the canon is that these people are Lardna and Aloysius and Porky and Picky. But now they are the Coach and the Superintendent and Hayden and his brother Mason. They were a family in real life. They arent canon to the game. Theyre just symbols in my story. Because it represents them in a way. Please remember this.

Its so messed up. Its like nepotism (getting favors because of family members in normie English). Hayden looked at me in the locker room. The Coach did everything to defend her son. The Coach made me out as some sort of sexual deviant. And wouldnt you know it. The entire school ate up her lies. Some people didnt though. Some people like Ms Parsons and Mr Hines understand. They tried to protect me. And wouldnt you know it. The Superintendent backed up his wife. Mason is innocent. He just had a bad family. Hes not as ignorant as the others. Well thats what I think anyway. I dont know him that much.

Leering over me was the Coach. As the Superintendent took Hayden and Mason away. I knew the end was coming near. Just as the Apple told me it would. The Apple was the secret fourth Hive all along.

"A dung beetle. I'll smash your guts out!" The Coach prepped her sports hand. With a smack I was smacked. My wig was snatched (I was so surprised). With a single attack I was done. And wouldnt you know it. My body hit the ground. My life was fading away quick. Now Ness stormed up to me with tears in his eyes. I gave him the Sound Stone. I told him goodbye. Ness was so sad. Because he was crying. Its ok though. So was I.

In this story I tried to link Earthbound Beginnings and Earthbound. In this story I also tried to show my story. Shigesato Itoi gives his villains some sympathetic traits (good things in normie language). Giegue misses his mom. Porky misses his best friend. If youre reading this story and think Im a villain. Please think about my good things. Please see my side of the story. Please. This is the only thing Im asking for you. Im typing this on my phone. Someone broke in and stole moms laptop. Not again.

The sun was rising outside. The morning sun always rises again. But not me this time.

And so. A bee I was not. I died.


	19. The World Saved

The taste was so sweet. It tasted like sugar. Because it was so sweet. But it also tasted like grapes. Suddenly I felt myself wake up. Fluttering my eyes open I woke up. Im still in the Minch household (home in normie). Which is representative of the Frank household. Its symbolic. But also around me were my friends. There were Ninten and Ana and Loid and Giegue and Loids dad. I think Loid was pouring Kool aid in my mouth. The grape flavor. Now I was revived from my death.

"What happened." I did not know what happened. I remember that I died. But I sent Ness on his journey. But now I was kicking (alive) again.

"Thanks to you the timeline is saved." Loids dad gives me a smile. "You know you cant be Hayden anymore too. Now you can move on and come back to your time. And keep talking to other people. And just move on."

I thought about that. I have had a few baes (girlfriends in normie English) since the incident. But they usually leave me. Because I am so sad. And they think I am a dweeb. It makes Hayden hate girls even more. I remember when he got banned from the braincels subreddit.

"Thanks Loids dad." I said.

"Please. Call me Dr Andonuts." Wow what a twist. Who would of guessed it was Dr Andonuts all along. How many different identities does he have anyway. Two.

Ninten and Ana and Loid all cheered. They are so happy that I am alive. Because I was previously dead. But also because the world is saved now. And wouldnt you know it. Im feeling good about it too.

"Now my henchman." Giegue said. Oh thats right. Im Giegues Henchman. "The crisis is averted (prevented) this time. But the timelines always repeat themselves. We need to warn the past about whatll happen." That was smart of Giegue.

"That was smart of you." Walking out of the house. Me and Dr Andonuts (Loids dad) and Ninten and Ana and Loid went to the computer store. Specifically the Apple store. After we picked out a computer. We told it everything that happened. Then using science Dr Andonuts (Loids dad) made it into a golden apple. It looks familiar. Oh well.

"This will help past people." Giegue used physic powers. He sent the Apple of Enlightenment to the beginning of time. This is how the Apple was created. However its not the fourth Hive yet. The creation of the Hives is not in this story. Sorry. Maybe a future one.

Now were satisfied (happy). Because we were happy. Hopping into the Phase Distorter. We went back to 198X. When we arrived back everything was peaceful. We warped in front of a donut store. Very nice. Dr Andonuts (Loids dad) loves donuts. And wouldnt you know it. He bought us a full round of donuts. Quickly we ate them all. We had a good time. We were heroes (saviors of humanity).

And wouldnt you know it. Wheeling up to the donut shop was a crippled guy. Hes wrapped up in wrapping. He looked like a Egyptian faro (mummy in normie). Its Teddy! Now we all cheered for Teddys arrival. He was not in the story because of his injuries (wounds).

"Fuuuuucccck I hurt." Teddy cussed. His mouth is dirty. Because he used profanities a lot. We dont like his dirty mouth. We cleaned it with a donut. We stuck the donut in his mouth. Raspberry filling went everywhere. "Fuuuuuuccckkk thats good." Teddy ate the donut. We all laughed at that.

"I dont have a mouth." Giegue realized. Giegue was so sad. Because he didnt have a mouth. His sprite has no mouth. But how does he talk. I really dont know. But I feel sad for him. Because he doesnt have a mouth.

I ate Giegues donut.


	20. Fiction and Nonfiction

Hello. This is not a chapter of the story. Well. It is a chapter of the story. But this doesnt take place in the story. It takes place in IRL (in real life). It is important you learn what I mean. Do not mistaken fiction with nonfiction. Fiction is the stuff that didnt happen. But nonfiction is the stuff that really happened. 

My life in this town is so bad. Thanks to the efforts of Hayden and the Coach and the Superintendent. I live my life in pain every day. Pain of the emotional variety. And far too long are people making fun of me. Its really exhausting. It makes me want to end it all. I wish there was a normie translation for that. And I wish that it didnt sound as bad as it appears. But wouldnt you know it. I meant exactly what I said. My love was twisted against me. This is what I got.

But now maybe the morning sun will shine again. My dad has got the new teaching job. Were moving out. Were leaving this horrible town behind. No more mean school staff. No more bullies. And as much as it hurts me to say it. No more Hayden either.

I will miss him. But I will miss the him that he used to be. And wouldnt you know it. Thats not what he is anymore. And I worry about what hell wind up doing in the long run. 

Mom and Dad are talking again. They regret the divorce. I think were all going to the new town. Maybe we can all move on from our mistakes.

Thats all. Thanks for reading my story.

Goodbye... and thank you very much, readers.


End file.
